Ironically, in the relationships where we are supposed to receive love, care and support, sometimes we end up being controlled like a puppet by our partner.
Great.guru is here to share some of the tricks of handling most common and simple ways to avoid them.
Keep in mind that all the information provided in this article is subjective and you should not apply it to all situations in general.
1. You are the guilty. Always
The manipulators share a skill in common: they are really excellent to make you feel guilty even when you’re not.
What ever you have asked for help from your partner and you have received a response like “don’t you think that could be occupied? I told you before I have many things to do. Why do you always think only in yourself?” And here you are, as the culprit just by asking for help.
If this is your case, it is likely that your partner is one of those few people who think that the world revolves around them.
Barrie Davenport suggests the following tips to resist such manipulation:
- You must realize and accept that your partner is trying to control you.
- Keep the calm.
- Remind them that they are adults and it is assumed that each one is responsible for their own behavior.
2. And he is the victim. Always
Who would not feel pity for a poor kitty? This is how the manipulators want you to see them. Your life is so extremely difficult and full of misery that you definitely have to feel compassion for their misfortunes, and perhaps help them with the extra work that you received today.
The manipulators used this trick to ask a “favor” or when they try to avoid their responsibilities. If you find that your partner often gives you a bunch of stories emotional about the misfortunes of your life, this might be the case. However, don’t confuse this with the couple that shares their feelings with you, making sure to get your support. It is different then, as a handler what you are trying to get are benefits.
3. You causes
If a handler has no arguments, it will try to provoke you as a last resort. Might say things that will make a normal person question the sanity of a manipulator, or do whatever to trigger negative emotions and make you angry.
The purpose of this is to get involved in a fight useless and make you say something that the manipulator can be used in your defense. Tell him that what he is saying makes no sense: I guarantee that you’ll see a scene of tragic works of Shakespeare.
If you notice this behavior, it is essential that you keep calm and not give in to provocations. Just try to be in control of the topic in the conversation. But if your partner is still behaving in this way, it is better to finish the discussion politely.
4. It pushes you to make decisions
The less time we have to make decisions, the less time we have to think and choose rightly. The manipulators will push you to take decisions faster, so that you may not think of its consequences. That is why it is important to provide a response after a minute, more or less.
Preston Ni, Psychology Today, reports that it is better not to take an immediate decision. Instead, take your time to think about it. If your partner is still on pressing, it is best to tell you what you will think.
5. What are your problems? Never listen to them
Another thing that the manipulators have in common is that they really don’t care for the other person. If you want to talk about your problems and share your feelings, it is very likely that your partner do one of these things:
- Avoid the conversation and pretend that it is busy.
- Directs the conversation to their issues: “it Is horrible that you have received this extra work today. But can you imagine how I feel dealing with this every day?” Do you think that your partner is really worried about your problems after this?
Davenport says that there are not many ways to protect yourself from this behavior. Probably the best is to find a new partner, a person who is more attentive and compassionate.
6. I will die without you
This technique of manipulating commonly called emotional blackmail and is possibly the most vile and selfish of all. The manipulator plays with your feeling of fear and guilt, imposing the responsibility for your life and health on it. In other words: “kill Me if I leave”. But it is only a threat, it is more likely to see a festival of snowmen in Miami to which this actually happens.
To avoid being manipulated in this way:
7. Isn’t what you said?
Another technique quite unpleasant to use the manipulators is called gaslighting (emotional abuse is more subtle). It is based on distorting the past and change the facts to put the manipulator in the most comfortable position and confuse you.
“No, definitely not I said that. He would remember it if you had asked for help. Today something happens”. This is it basically looks like in practice. Some manipulators use this trick so skillfully that you begin to question your memory.
- Trust your memory. Make sure to remember the things as they were.
- Insist on your partner to remember perfectly what he said, but don’t fall into a discussion.
8. Since you seem a scratched disc
The manipulators do not want to solve their common problems. Are well here and now, is his comfort zone. They will lead you to believe that the problems have already been exceeded before it actually is so. That is why you should start with your old arguments again and again.
In reality it is easier to talk to the walls that make a manipulator to change its point of view, but here are two tips that will help you not to fall into their game:
- Always keep in mind the topic of discussion. Will try to change it to your convenience.
- Remember what caused the problem and why you started the conversation.
9. Use tricks
The manipulators use this simple trick to get what they want from you. Exaggerate a request to a large extent and then follow with your actual request, seemingly smaller.
“Well, if we can’t get the heart of a blue whale for dinner, why don’t we go and have dinner at that Italian restaurant downtown?”
It is more likely to choose the option that is most easy to meet. But the trick here is that you don’t have to choose. It is easy to avoid this trick. Just remember 2 things:
- In reality you don’t have to choose.
- Your decisions must be based on a rational basis, not on comparisons.
10. These are simply fools
Simulate that you do not understand is without a doubt a trick children, but it is not a problem for handlers. Use any trick to stay in a comfort zone.
There are many ways in which you can work around this behavior, but you bring your partner to a store and buy the toy that you want could be the right decision. But hey, we’re adults here, right? Then:
- Try different approaches when you do the same question.
- Behave the same way. What a couple that simply prevents help you deserve a better treatment?
Manipulation is a trait of the character, so remember that you can not convert to a manipulator, a better person. They will remain in their same behavior always, even if that means breaking with you.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a manipulator? Please share your experience in the comments to warn others!
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