The universal interest for the emotional intelligence, or Emotional quotient (EQ), emerged about 20 years ago, when psychologist Daniel Goleman published a book in which he described its importance. Today, many scientists confirm that this indicator plays a more important role in the success and general well-being of a persons iq. It is better and easier to develop emotional intelligence during childhood, in addition, in this task, parents can help a lot to their children.
In Great.guru we believe that parents should not leave the room for the emotional education of their children and that’s why we share with our readers the tips provided by the experts.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence and emotionality are not the same. The emotionality of high levels implies the strong reaction of a person with respect to the world around it. A subject’s emotional, for example, gesticulará and react with impulsivity watching an interesting movie. But this does not mean he has an emotional intelligence developed.
Emotional intelligence has a person who knows how to do the following:
- to understand and perceive their own emotions;
- manage their behavior while you feel one or another emotion;
- understand what emotions you experience other people;
- use the knowledge about one’s own emotions and the emotions of others to the interpersonal communication.
What is it for?
Modern psychologists believe that people with emotional intelligence developed become good players in a team that develop in leaders. Know how to negotiate and to achieve their goals, causing at the same time a good impression. Of course, professional knowledge is also necessary for personal and professional growth. But we develop the emotional intelligence from a very early age and, in addition, in an unconscious way. Therefore, parents should think about the future of their children and help them to understand the world as a multi-faceted feelings.
The development of emotional intelligence occurs, trivial as it may sound, in emotional moments of life. Paying attention to the emotional education, parents increase the degree of confidence in the bosom of the family, can influence their children in a situation that needed, as well as raise a person consistent and sure of herself.
Some of the errors of the parents
For a long time, parents around the world have followed closely the educational progress of their children in school and, at the same time, they have forgotten emotional education. The stereotypes also influence the correct perception of feelings. Really, almost all of the boys have been forbidden to cry and girls are affected in that they should not be angry.
The psychologist John Gottman identifies three types of parents that are trying the wrong way the emotions of their children:
- Parents who reject the emotions. Pretend that the concerns of the child are the little things and try to distract this from the same.
- Lparents who do not approve of the emotions. They perceive negative emotions as wrong and often punish children by having them.
- Parents who are not involved. See the children’s emotions, but do not know how to help them, so they pretend that nothing happens.
These approaches do not allow the child to correctly assess their own emotions or those of others. The psychologists who study the development of emotional intelligence identified several golden rules of education which advise to follow and meet.
What parents should not do
- Tell the child what would you do in his place, or what he should feel, for example: “you’re sad, but I, in your place, I would be very happy.”
- Punish the child for showing his feelings.
- Stay away when the child feels bad.
- Try to put yourself in the place of the child. You may think that your problem makes no sense. Remember that you perceive the world in a different way. The child should not see your attitude to be frivolous or insipid to their problems.
- Tell the child that his / her problem happens to everyone and that some people are even in a worse situation.
These actions and others of this kind offend and devalue both the problem of the child, such as their feelings.
What parents should do
- If the child has done something undesirable, he says, your attitude and your feelings. For example: “I worry when you don’t answer the phone” instead of “You’re too bad”.
- Shows interest in the problems of the child and your unconditional support. Try to find reasons to praise him, and seek not only facts for which you can scold her.
- You try to understand what emotion you are experiencing your son. Remember that the child does not have a vocabulary so rich, nor so much experience in life. It is possible that you simply do not understand what is concerned. Therefore, the question “What happened?” can go unanswered. It is best to explore the terrain with questions that lead towards the cause: “do Not you be too tired?”; “I see that you feel bad, perhaps you have offended a classmate?”.
- Listen to the response of your child and help him describe his feelings with words.
- Talking with the child about how they can solve your problem now and what can be done if this is repeated.
This type of actions will help parents to build a close relationship and warm with their children. But do not forget that, in adolescence, children go through a difficult period of formation, and hormonal changes. At this stage, it is not worth to insist too much on to offer your help. Especially, you should not entrometerte without permission in your personal life: read their correspondence and diaries, for example. By doing so, you can only destroy trust.
Do you agree that a person needs to understand their emotions and the emotions of others? Do you think that some people harbor lagoons to discover and identify their emotions?
Illustrator Yekaterina Ragozina for Great.guru
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